This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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