I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
