Screwed.edu
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
