Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
