I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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