Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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