even my farts smell like vagina
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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