I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
