Your dad touched me again.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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