I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
