Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
