yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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