yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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