eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
