We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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