All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
