I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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