I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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