I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Text me some of your sweat
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