OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
