No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
