Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
