Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
