Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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