Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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