he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You need Xanax blowdarts
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
