Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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