Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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