Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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