Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
