You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
