O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My penis needs a shock collar
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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