in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
As shirtless as possible
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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