once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
