Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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