I didn't shave. On purpose
Me too!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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