Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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