my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
