My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
