Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
