Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
