DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
