she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize