Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
