I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
