I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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