Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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