I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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