We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
