We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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