you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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