it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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