it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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