Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
