Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
