Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
