just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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