Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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