all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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