My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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