Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize