just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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