I wish I only lived at night.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
