HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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