Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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