You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
