theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
