bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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