That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
