there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
