I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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